(All of the photos - except for the Snapchat one - were taken by my awesome friend sparckydog. Thanks for letting me use them for my blog post! ^_^)
Friday, August 15, 2014. I gotta be honest - I’ve been feeling pretty lonely and sad lately. The monotonous summer, where my daily schedule just consists of going to my job and then the gym every day, can become very depressing for me. But for the past two weeks I feel like I’ve been turning things around. I’ve been reaching out to my teammates and trying to talk about more personal subjects to help with my loneliness. The results surprised me. I spent quite a few late nights talking to some of them - whether it’s helping them through a break-up, or talking to them about a secret they’ve been keeping, or even just having a non-stop 7-hour long conversation all the way until 6 AM just for the hell of it, it was really nice getting to know them on a deeper level.
I had a good week because I spent every night going out with friends too instead of just staying at home. On Monday I organized a get-together where we went out for pho and ice cream, on Tuesday I stayed up until 4 playing board and card games, on Wednesday we had a movie night, on Thursday we had a baking session, and to end it perfectly, we had an awesome party on Friday!
I’m calling this night “my first good party” because this was the first time I have truly enjoyed a college party. I used to have anxiety with partying and drinking because of very bad memories with my ex-boyfriend. The first party I went to, his frat bros had attended and behaved in a way that upset me, and I spent that night crying because he refused to listen and abandoned me. The second party I went to, I spent the night holding a bucket for him to vomit in before he passed out. (As you can see, not only did I have terrible party experiences, I also had a terrible love life.)
But tonight was so so so different and I am so so so glad for that!
My Friday had a bad start at first because a friend told me some shocking news about my ex. I was disgusted to find out what he had been up to, but most of all I was ashamed of myself for still believing he was a good guy and liking him in the first place. But later on, I realized that this was the eye-opener I needed to finally be glad that he’s not a part of my life anymore. I love what I have right now, and I decided that I would dress sexy and just have fun for the rest of the night with my friends! Okay, maybe the sexy part didn’t work because I still look like a dweeb in my glasses. :P
I was a bit shy and awkward coming in at first because, again, being around a large crowd of drunk people makes me feel anxious. But my friend (one of the hosts of the party) scouted me out right away, chatted me up, and let me try a couple of drinks. He knew I didn’t like the taste of alcohol so he picked out a couple of sweet ones for me. He’s such a funny guy and we get along really well so I got comfortable quickly. For the rest of the night, the other host mixed alcoholic juices for me so that I could still drink and like the taste!
Most of my night was spent outside because the apartment was stuffy and the summer weather at night was really cool and nice for fresh air. Plus, I had good company by my side. One of the major reasons why I enjoyed the party was because I actually had friends there. For the first time, I wasn’t standing in a corner or hiding in a room because I felt too uncomfortable to speak to anyone. I liked the people here, which also meant I felt good enough to drink around them.
Thanks to the yummy juices, I ended up drinking 5 to 6 shots, which only made me feel buzzed. Hey, my tolerance is pretty decent! I’m still curious to know what I’m like drunk, but the juices made me feel full so I couldn’t really drink more. That’s okay though because being buzzed was fun! I started acting giggly and silly and my walking got tipsy. Some people have remarked that I was also touchy-feely… yo, I do NOT act touchy-feely with someone unless they were already touching me and holding me close. So really, the blame is on whoever started it! :P
A group of us went out for a Teabo run which was also fun. It’s kinda amusing going to a store while buzzed hahaha, now I see the appeal of those drinking games. The above photo is me lecturing the coach about how he shouldn’t drink the night before practice. The coach is one of the nicest and most caring guys I know - he looks out for everyone and has reached out to me a lot, making me feel encouraged and good about myself as a paddler. That’s why my buzzed self thought it would be funny to scold him because of the irony that he’s actually a really great coach and person. I hope he didn’t get too offended hahaha. His strong sense of responsibility and my immature sense of humor might clash sometimes but I truly respect him and appreciate his positive influence and impact on me. I’m gonna be really sad when he graduates.
Lastly, I know that this set of photos looks scandalous but I don’t care. A big part of what made my night enjoyable was the captain of the team. He was almost always by my side, checking up on me, holding me to stabilize my balance, getting me to drink water, etc. He even offered to drive me home and take me back to my room. It was very sweet of him to take care of me. We hung out for a while in my room and that was the most memorable part of the night. I consider him to not only be a good friend, but also a good teammate, captain, and in a few months, the future coach of the team.
I know that this party was just like any other college party. But it meant a lot to me because I had such bad experiences before that affected me in a negative way. To finally have a normal, positive experience is something that I appreciate a lot now. I was surrounded by friends, I felt safe, I felt comfortable, and I felt like I was taken care of by the hosts and other party-goers. I’m glad to have reached a point in my life where I am happy with where I am. I have lost some people in my life but found that I really like the people I have become a lot closer with as a result… so maybe I got a better deal in the end.
Thanks for reading. xx